What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 01:57
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
It was going to be , some day.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She found it foreign!.
I think the readers, may guess!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I want to have anal sex, but my wife refuses. What do I do?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
What do you think of the Quora group "It's Ok to Be White" for people who are proud of being white?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
How can I control my daily masturbating habit?
My family never makes their pension either.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
What is your twin flame story?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
In the TV show Supernatural, why is God portrayed as cruel?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But ive been too sick for many years..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Can you share the entire summary of your spiritual life?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What’s the weirdest phone call you have ever received?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My life is so biszare .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Comes on , in middle age.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I don,t even have a pension.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I said to her
When she asked me how she looked .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Why did i forgive my father ?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And i lived it daily.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
So whats the point in blame.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
All the time i was locked up.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was scared of men, in general
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I couldn’t, believe it.
We all went to grammer schools
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im still living with it.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was 9 years of age.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I write beautiful poetry .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One cannot live in the past .
I was seconnd youngest,
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He resisted the act ,that day.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He knew the spot.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She was in good health!
This is soul school!.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She married twice! .
We were not on the streets..
What did i know ?
I was very sick at this time too.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Ive learnt so much.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I will be 64.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She loved him until the end.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But, we were locked up after school.
I waited trembling.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I have no regrets .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She wouldn,t have been !
(And it was in our own minds.)
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But it wasn’t much.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
So, i spoilt her more .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Would this be the day?
Who then, do I blame.?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Put me off passion for life!!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.